The Broken Pieces 

When your dream shatters what do you do to pick up the broken pieces? 

I have to remain employed at the online English conversation school I work for until I’m 21. 

Why? 

Strict visa requirements. 

I have to be a “professional” for 3 years to get a work visa in my required category. 

What does this mean?

I’m basically frozen where I am for another 2 and a half years. 

I’m thinking about going and living in Japan for 89 days (amount allowed without visa) and just hanging out.  

But it was definitely a reality check. Time to grow up even more I guess. 

What’s next for me? I finish school May 22nd.  And then I will start looking for a full time job in June.  

I finally broke down yesterday. 

And after many loving and encouraging words from my best friends/basically adopted family, I was able to “woman up” a little. 

It’s just hard when I finally found a place to belong…..and I’m kept away… Because of policies, paperwork, and international laws.  

The word “ganbaru” (trying my best)  had never been so literal for me until this moment. 

My Japanese “mama” said this to me yesterday……「あきらめないで!」

Meaning “never give up!” 

And I never will, until I have my visa in hand.  

And until then, I will continue to study, work, and make delicious bentou.  

  

Moving Forward

Change,

A tiny word that can make so many people uncomfortable, unsure, and stranded.

Till about yesterday, I was one of those people. I could have shouted it from the rooftops: “I hate change! Screw you, you mess everything up!”

Yesterday,

I quit my waitressing job.

You would think I would be completely mortified at the fact that my only income is now coming from tutoring Japanese students in English……which I haven;t devoted too much time to obtaining many students (well that’s gonna change real quickly huh?)

But in reality……..I am SO EXCITED about this new chapter in my life.

Why did I quit?

Well, I worked a lot of hours, and it was usually my boss, me, and one other waiter. Every so often, my “manager” or whatever she is, would show up on random days I worked. She always gave me dirty looks, takes my turn when I should be getting a new table, and said rude comments to me when my boss was not around. And she put me down when talking to all of my coworkers.  My boss, who everyday I worked would tell me how dependable and hardworking I am. But two days ago, at work, as soon as I get there, she tells me I am doing horribly and that I am so impossibly slow.  I keep on working thinking it will just be another crappy shift with her, but trying to remain positive. At every turn she stole my tables that night while she also had a group of 20. (I usually have 20-30 tables a night….that night I had 6) I had volunteered to help her and she says in a malicious tone “I don’t NEED any help from YOU”. Since she was preoccupied with taking the orders of the large group, a table that had only been seated by her and obviously forgotten, were sitting there waiting…..and they asked me for some water.  So i promptly brought it to them. But I didn’t take their order or anything because I didn’t want to take her table from her. About 40 seconds later…….it happens……………………….She begins screaming, cussing, verbally abusing me. Calling me “Stupid” and many other things, I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.  Her reasoning?      I gave her table water.

My boss didn’t witness it. But the other waitress did (the one who is still being trained, tells inappropriate stories, and can’t multitask…we will come back to her)

She yelled at me for a while.    I am not one to feel too many emotions. I don’t believe in cussing, and I didn’t want to be confrontational. I did what I never wanted to do at work.

I cried.

And had an anxiety attack.

I have never felt so badly about myself.   It would have been different if I had severely messed up or something…..but there was no basis.  She is just always so hateful to me.

About another hour goes by, and I am still there. I didn’t want to ditch my tables and leave them hanging…………I’m in the back typing up a receipt and she says to me, and I quote, because it will never leave my head

“Do you need me to do that?”

 “No, I’ve got it” I answer

“You are so slow, even (other waitress name insert here) is faster than you (isn’t true…she doesn’t know any of the prices).  HERE we do things a certain way. And with you moving so slowly, I’m gonna have to do your job like always! .”

She continues on…….spewing crap…..all of which is untrue…….she only worked with me like once a month………she has no idea how I work. She calls in the other waitress to laugh at me. And I walk out. I couldn’t take it anymore at that moment. All that night she had pushing me out of her way, telling me to move, giving me horrible looks, and when my boss saw me crying and I told him “I quit” he knew it was something she had done. Every chance she got that night she would come up with a new insult, find a new way to make me scared of her.   My boss pulled me aside.   He was so pissed at her.   None of my coworkers could understand why she was screaming at me. Why she would say those things……my bosses mom hugged me and the guys in the kitchen were so confused as to why she would try to make me miserable.

My boss gave me my tips, asked what happened and when I told him….he understood. But he didn’t accept me quitting just then. And he said I could go home. And that he was SO SORRY. He felt bad he wasn’t there to defend me.

Yesterday, I went to my work, and quit. Gave my two weeks….which is really only one because I leave April 1st for Japan!!!

And THAT is why I quit.

I’m actually very happy about it though……sure I may not really have a steady income currently, but I’m excited about it ^^   livin on the edge! lol just kidding

That’s the good thing about living with your parents….not too many bills :P

I finish college in may, I’ll be in Japan this spring break, and I will now have time to do my TEFL cert. I also may have a job opportunity with my sister….but that’s on the D.L. right now ^o^

I don’t know why I was so worried about change……it’s a part of life, and I am just so excited for what the future holds for me! It was freeing to quit….and while I am dreading having to go to work tomorrow (Monday 3/23), Friday, and Saturday….. I am happy to be closing that chapter in my life.  I want to see how far I can go trying to get more students and teaching and just winging it, Might as well figure it all out when I’m young and have the time.

Let’s do this!

Come and Gone

my friends from Japan have already come and left again. 

But we all had an absolutely amazing time together as always. We are loudest together. The most fun together. And the most loving together. 

We may be over 5,000 miles apart, but for me…..I don’t feel the distance. 

The sky is our connection, we share the same sky, and the same ocean. 

When you talk to someone everyday it’s hard to feel like you’re apart even if you are.  

I feel so loved that they would come all the way here to visit me. And I can’t wait to be welcomed back to visit them April 2nd (JST). 





It’s alright to grow up

I decided…..and had a sudden realization the other day…..it’s ok to grow up.

I think I always had this fear about it.

But now….for some odd reason I just became fine with it.

Sure I still live at home, and I only have a permit…(I can’t park to save a life…I’m height deficient lol at 4’11”)
But I realized in many ways I am an adult.

I have a job
I go to college
I buy the things I need etc.
and I could go on with boring details but I shan’t make you weep from reading unnecessary words

In the words of ke$ha I think I’ve finally “got my big girl pants on and up” hahah

I’m excited I’m moving forward….I’m going back to Japan (all by myself I might add), today I bought a whole new wardrobe (since yeah, it’s time to retire the t-shirts), and I just feel like I can do this being an adult thing. (Today I even made kale chips and blueberry compote to put on my Greek yogurt…I feel like these are adult like foods)

I’m ready.

I guess it’s time for the next step….finding myself a husband!

Just kidding, but the cute new clothes may help in that department.

I’ll try my best!
Ganbaru
がんばる

April 1st

I’m leaving for Japan April 1st and will be there until the 12th (^○^)

I got a GREAT deal on a ticket and I am now psyched!!!

Let’s do this. Japan trip #3!!!

I’ll try my best
Ganbaru
がんばる

It’s just so easy…

To get discouraged.

I purchased a new book

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And so I’ve been doing some hardcore research about renting an apartment in Japan.

And it’s just starting to seem impossible. Of course I’m still planning on expating (is that a word?) there, but my idea of perhaps renting a room is seeming more practical.

Have you ever heard of key money?

Well it’s probably one of the few things I hate about Japan……so basically you give 1-3 months worth of rent to your landlord as a “gift” (meaning non-refundable). On top of the 1-2 months worth of rent as a security deposit (meaning refundable). And then 1-2 months worth of rent money goes to the real estate agent (non-refundable, and you MUST use an agent). And there are also other fees depending on the complex. Along with the fact that many rentals don’t have appliances, A/C, or light fixtures.

So anywhere from 4,500-6,000 in money just to GET the keys for an apartment. And then I would have to buy all the other essentials. Furniture, appliances, etc.

And some landlords won’t even give a tour of an apartment to foreigners because they don’t want to rent to “gaijin.”

My plan has just gotten a whole lot harder.

I’ll try my best.
Ganbaru
がんばる

Minor setback

Tonight……my phone fell out of my pocket only a foot and a half off the ground.

Leaving my screen completely shattered.

Which means that the paycheck I had picked up from work only minutes before will now be spent on replacing my phone. Normally I wouldn’t care about the cracks but…
1.) I can’t see my keyboard to type
2.) little shards of screen keep getting stuck in my fingers

I just hope that the AT&T darlings….whom in my previous experience, hate life and want to incur their wrath on everyone who comes happily into their stores unknowing of the rage they too will soon feel…..will be able to transfer over my pictures, music, apps, etc…

Apple already screwed me because my Apple ID got changed meaning that if I synch my phone to my new computer I will lose all of my music. I’ve already lost apps I purchased.

Basically….technology is NOT my friend.

So another minor setback on the journey that is life.

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I’ll try my best
Ganbaru
がんばる

First day of my last semester

Started school up again today,

What can I say?

In my only class of the day, my teacher announced that we will be fake taken hostage at some unknown time during the class……interesting way to start the semester.

What type of crazy class are you in? you ask?

International business….but I have a feeling that this class is going to be a lot more interesting than I thought it would be.

Here I come world….learning to be prepared for being a hostage…. I hope I won’t ever have to actually use what I will learn.

Only English major in the class again…….as always.

I’ll try my best
Ganbaru
がんばる

Weird to think about – leads to appreciation

Isn’t it weird to think about the fact that if you were born to different parents, you’d be a completely different person.

Where you grow up, who raised you, who your friends are, all lead to decisions you make, which then lead to who you are.

Isn’t it weird to think about?

That’s why I am appreciative of my parents and being raised how I was. Because of them, I have had a lot of support, and opportunities. I grew up and still live in a small town and have been well traveled so far.

I have always wondered what it would be like to live a day in the life of Someone else.

It’s so cool to think that billions of other people on this earth living their own lives.

What is everyone else doing right now?

( ´ ▽ ` )ノ